Very early this morning, we had a real scare. I have a baby monitor in my bedroom which is connected to the room where Louie's bed is. I heard him calling my name, so I ran to his room and he said he was thirsty, so I gave him some water. He said that felt better so I went back to bed. About 5 minutes later, he called my name several times in just a few seconds, so I RAN to his room and he said he couldn't breathe. I called out for Tammy to come right away. I then got the morphine and gave him some as it is supposed to help with breathing difficulties. Then I called the Hospice number right away - the nurse told me to give him a little more morphine and she would be coming right away. She was 11 miles away and it seemed like it took forever for her to get here. Tammy and I were so scared!!! We thought we were "losing him" right then. I kept feeling his diaphram to see how his breathing was - it would be real shallow, then a little stronger, and even stopped at times. I knew I had to hold myself together, but it sure was difficult. I kept telling him I loved him, and held his hand and rubbed his face. Finally the nurse got here and she checked everything and said that his lungs sounded good and so did his heart. She gave him some Klonopin which helps anxiety and reassured us that he had an anxiety attack which caused the trouble breathing. We told her how we couldn't give him his anti-depressant anymore as he has so much trouble swallowing, so she said they would put in an order for a liquid form of an anti-depressant that we will get tomorrow. There is no doubt how depressed and scared he is going through this horrible disease which shows new symptoms every day. It is SO hard for Tammy and me to see him going through all this - our hearts are just breaking. The nurse also put in an order for oxygen to have here in the house in case this happens again - she said that will help him a lot. Between the morphine and klonopin, he has been sleeping soundly. Tammy and I are both torn between not wanting him to "leave us" and wanting to "let him go" so he won't keep suffering. It is the hardest thing we both have ever been through!!!!!
He had such a tough day yesterday as he was crying over and over SO hard that it broke our hearts. He is thinking so much about his whole life (which is what happens when a person is dying) - we could actually see the pain coming from his heart and soul. I told him that he would always be in my heart forever, and that I would always be in his heart forever. He nodded his head. It is so hard for him to talk.
Three different couples from church came to see him this afternoon. He loves all of them and, as they talked together, he just sobbed. He doesn't want to leave everyone who loves him so much!! They were all crying, too.
I am so afraid of the days to come knowing I will witness the many new symptoms as they progress through this horrific disease. I don't know if I can bear to see him go through all this. I have people lined up to stay with me both Monday and Tuesday nights - they are called "Living Angels" who you hire to help in any way you want. They will be awake all night and alert me if anything happens where I will need to help him with either morphine or oxygen, etc. They will also be here for 4 hours on Tuesday and 3 hours on Wednesday. My daughter, Stephanie and granddaughter, Gabriella will get here late Wednesday afternoon. That will be a huge support for me during the toughest days ahead.
Having Tammy here has been a gigantic blessing to me, and I can never show her enough how special and precious she is to me. We have bonded together and been a strength to one another. She has also done SOO much for me to help me out with things I will have to deal with after Louie is gone. She just amazes me with the things she has done and even thinks of that I can't even deal with right now. I will be forever grateful to her and am honored to be her step-mother.
I pray that God will take Louie soon so he won't have to keep suffering, and yet I can't bear to think of losing him. Everything I look at reminds me of him. I am naturally afraid of being without him, and know that the grieving process won't be easy. With the help of my church family, wonderful friends and family members, I know that I will somehow get through it. I ask God for strength, courage and comfort every day.
We appreciate all your many thoughts and prayers more than we can say.
Love,
Connie
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Frightening Morning
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
6 comments:
Connie and Louie -
I check your blog every day and will try to post to it again.
I cry and my heart breaks for both of you when I read what this horrible disease is doing to Louie, and know the stress must be taking a toll on you, Connie.
Connie, please tell Louie that I know even at the worst times in your relationship, Louie loved you with all his heart. It will be so hard for you to lose that love.
It was such a blessing to know that Louie finally let God in his heart, and that has to be a comfort at this time.
Connie, you used to tell me how you admired my strength - I have nothing over you. Louie is so blessed to have you to love and take care of him.
My prayers and thoughts are with you both constantly.
Love,
Clydee
Louie and Connie
I think you both are doing a marvelous job of getting through this most difficult of times. It is so hard to lose a loved one, but we must all keep our faith and belief. You are so fortunate to have so many people to help you through this. It reminds me of when my beloved husband was dying. We were so fortunate to have Hospice care, even though it didn't last very long as Darwin passed on 8 days after he got home from the hospital. But his being home meant so much to all of us, and I am sure the same goes for you guys. When the Lord called Darwin Home, he was ready to go, but I wasn't ready to let him go. I didn't believe that he was going to pass on. It took me a while to accept it.
This hurts so terribly now, but time will ease the pain. And the day will come when we are all re-united.
My dear brother, the Lord is getting ready to call you Home, and it hurts so to lose you for now, but we will all be together again some day. Jesus will take you up in his arms and comfort you, and He will also comfort Connie, and your children, and all those of us who love you and will miss you. Walk with God.
All my Love, Big Sister, Esther
Dear Connie,
Thank you for your updates. We read them and they help us know how to pray for you.
I wanted to mention a book called "90 Minutes in Heaven" by Don Piper. He's a Christian man who tells the miraculous story of his near-death experience. He tells about the glimpse of heaven that he had while he was clinically dead for 90 minutes after a car accident. It may bring you some comfort to read about the wonderful place that Louie will be going soon and the absolute wholeness and happiness he will experience immediately after he passes. You maybe don't have much time for reading right now, but even if you read it 6 months from now, I think it would bring you some peace.
I just wanted to let the Wheeler family know that you're in my thoughts and prayers.
Love,
Amy
Connie & Louie- There isn't a day that goes by that I don't stop and pray for you. There are no words to express my sadness for what the two of you are going through. You can tell what special people you are by the love you find around you in friends and family.
Louie, I want to tell you how I have enjoyed the time Mark and I have spent with you and Connie through the years. I loved the way Connie's face would light up when you would tease her about this or that. No one could have loved you more. She never gave up on you, even in the worst of times. Her love for you just kept growing because she could see through what others could not. I ask God to give you strength as you go through this difficult journey and know that He is with you always.
Love you both!
Bunni
Louis--
George and I are thinking and praying for you and Connie during this difficult time. George will always remember the fun time duck hunting out by Seven Beavers. I know I remember visiting 'the duck hunters' during the evening and seeing the great display of northern lights.
My God be with you during this time.
George and Lisa Myers
My Dear Sister,
Love and HUGS to you and Louie. I pray God will give you both a peace beyond our human understanding. I do believe God's power is strongest in our weakness. Lean on HIM, Sis. Let God's ARMS hold you both.
Love you,
Dianne
Post a Comment